Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
