I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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