i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
