Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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