Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
