Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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