we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
