ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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