she was so not down for the gang bang
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize