Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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