ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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