he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
