remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
