Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
