New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
