I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
