So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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