we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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