his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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