you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
