You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
