Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize