u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
