Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
