you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
im holly from the hills drunk
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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