My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
