It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
