Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
