does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
