it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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