i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
