already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
