i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize