Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
