I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I don't deserve a penis
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
