Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize