i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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