It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
