he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
