I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
