I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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