She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
