Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
