Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize