he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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