I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
