I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
