The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
