Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
