Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We had to coat check the pizza.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
