So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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