Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Panties = found
Randomize
