I'm sorry my penis didn't work
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
