i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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