I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
