I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
