Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
