I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
vagina is talking i cant
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
