Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
