yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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