She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
