I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize