Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
