last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
