this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
