so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
