We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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