is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
