My underwear smells like fireworks.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
