i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
