woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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