I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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