i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
