did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
