i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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