I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
