Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
