I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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