we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
