how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize