I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
