you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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