i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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