wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
last night I used snow as a chaser
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
