he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
