Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
