All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
