Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
