me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize