how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize