Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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