So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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