Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Randomize
