when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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