my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize