I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
