school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
