Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize