I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
