I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
