"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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