I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
