I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
