Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(802): View more from Vermont

OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.

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(512): View more from Texas

you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried

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(307): View more from Wyoming

I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.

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(219): View more from Indiana

i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her

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(307): View more from Wyoming

All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet

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(928): View more from Arizona

Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.

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(775): View more from Nevada

This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar

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(214): View more from Texas

Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.

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