What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
