I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
