I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
