my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
