as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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