Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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