I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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